


Black and White

by sugarblossom



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Another one of my fics where you wouldn't actually know what happened to it, As in no one would get all the references, But hey there's more action in this one, Does this count as Nihilego!Ash?, Fluffish, Gen, Some hurt/comfort, Still dialogue heavy, This fic would definitely confuse all of you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom
Summary: Because nothing is black and white.
Relationships: Ash & sort of an OC?, Burnet-hakase | Professor Burnet & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Kukui-hakase | Professor Kukui & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Satoshi no Pikachu | Ash Ketchum's Pikachu
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Black and White

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of self-deprecation, bullying, emotional abuse, some creepy elements (b/c this was meant to be for Halloween which I just realize is not this Monday, whoops)

Ash yawned, trailing a finger across Pikachu’s fur as he followed Kukui down the Aether foundation hallway. 

Kukui laid a hand on Ash’s other shoulder, murmuring, “We’ll go buy malasadas right after we visit Burnet, alright?”

Nodding, Ash and Pikachu poked their heads into the next room. 

With lab coats as pristine as the lab walls, the workers guided them to the center of the building, leaving as quickly as they arrived. 

It was peaceful, like a silent snowfall.

Rubbing his face, Ash marched up to Burnet and waved. Pikachu chirped, waving a paw.

“Hey Ash! What are you doing here?” Burnet asked, setting down her clipboard of notes. Kukui stole Ash’s cap, ruffling his hair before giving it back. “Oh, Kukui!”

“We were thinking of getting some malasadas for breakfast, wanna join us?” Kukui asked, grinning.

Burnet tapped her chin before grinning back at them. “Give me a few minutes, just gotta try some final simulations.” 

After patting Ash’s head, Burnet tapped on a virtual screen.

The screen flashed “Nihil-ego”.

Ash bit the inner part of his cheek, placing a hand on Pikachu’s head.

“Oh, is that extracted from the toxins?” Kukui asked, furrowing his eyebrows when Ash casually ambled off, staring at the ground. 

Pikachu cooed, patting at Ash’s face. Ash adjusted his shirt collar, shaking his head while placing a hand on his cap.

Nodding, Burnet explained, “We’re trying to learn more about these Ultra Beasts and how they affect humans.” In the back of the room, Ash hugged himself, freezing when Burnet added, “We believe in order to better control their host, Nihilegos go for the most emotional living being present to fuse with, so to speak.”

Pikachu’s ears perked up when the picture of Nihilego blurred. A bolt of electricity shot at him. 

Burnet and Kukui both startled.

Leaping forward, Pikachu tried to counter with his own Thunderbolt, yelping when the bolts curved around him. 

Ash gritted his teeth as the sparks shackled around his hands, forcing him to stand with his hands by his side.

Growling at the screen, Pikachu tried to tackle it. 

He failed.

“What- What’s happening?” Kukui asked, sprinting over to Ash only to be slammed to the side by another bolt of electricity. 

Ash called out to Kukui, trying to wrestle out of his cuffs.

Shaking his head, Pikachu tried again. And again. And again.

Burnet reached out to Kukui, freezing when the screen seemed to cast a shadow in front of her. 

Eyes wide, Ash watched Burnet get pinned to the wall next to Kukui.

The screen buzzed with anticipation.

Pikachu leaped up, trying to slice through the stream with Iron Tail. The electricity zipped towards him in mid-air, about to engulf him.

“No!”

Ash’s eyes glowed blue, blasting the chains around his hands away. 

An aura sphere floated above Ash, sending aura pulses throughout the room.

Burnet and Kukui both gasped, staring at Ash.

The screen glitched for a moment as Ash fell to his knees. Pikachu darted over, chirping anxiously. Ash shook his head, tilting his head towards the two professors.

Like with a spool, Ash’s aura seeped out, twirling and feeding into the screen. 

Burnet and Kukui both strained to get out of their confinements with Pikachu’s help, calling Ash’s name as the screen exploded.

Bubbling, a form emerged from the rubble. 

Ash hissed in pain as he collapsed, aura still leaking. 

His cap rolled off.

Both professors got up, trying to run towards Ash.

Pikachu growled, fur sparking as the familiar shape of Lusamine fused with Nihilego erupted. Black smoke covered the room, and two red eyes glared at them.

The alarms blared.

Before anyone could react, the Nihilego twirled and burst out of the ceiling, leaving soot everywhere.

Silence.

Pikachu ran over to Ash, ears wilted.

“Ash!”

Kukui ran over, rolling Ash over. 

Everyone froze.

No. That wasn’t Ash.

His hair wasn’t bleached white than marshmallows or down to his shoulders. He wasn’t wearing a grey tank top. He wasn’t  _ pale _ .

Opening their eyes, Burnet stared back into identical yellow eyes as her own.

_ Mocking laughter. _

Burnet and Kukui exchanged a glance.

Holding Ash’s cap in his paws, Pikachu stared at it, slightly shaking his head.

“What’s going on-” Lusamine raced into the room, staring up at the ceiling before at ‘Ash’. “Who… is that?” The other workers got to work, checking out the damage and cameras.

“Call me Yuka!” came the  _ loud  _ answer. Burnet and Kukui furrowed their eyebrows as Yuka got to their feet, brushing the dust off. “It’s nice to meet you all! I’m Yuka- Did I say that already? I don’t know, but anyway, I’m from Pallet Town in Kanto! My birthday is on May 22nd. My zodiac sign is Gemini. I-”

“We get it, ok yeah,” Lusamine cut in, side-stepping towards Burnet. “What on  _ earth _ happened?”

Pikachu stared up at Yuka, wincing as they stared at him. Kukui sweatdropped as Yuka hugged Pikachu, squealing, “You’re so cute! Is this your cap?” 

Pikachu winced, stopping himself from electrocuting Yuka on instinct.

“As- Well,  _ Yuka _ -” Kukui started, watching Burnet talk with Lusamine. 

“Flat yellow tail-less than half a meter tall-definitely more than five kilograms,” Yuka noted without a care, lifting Pikachu up and playfully swirling the cap around their finger. “Two brown stripes-brown fur at the base of a lightning bolt-shaped tail-black tipped ears-red cheeks.” They rubbed Pikachu’s belly against their face. “Fascinating!” 

“...So, do you know who Ash is?” Kukui asked.

Yuka stared into Kukui’s eyes. 

_ We’ll never be proud of you.  _ **_He feels so close._ ** _ Don’t cause a scene.  _ **_Where is he?_ ** _ Oh here comes the screaming.  _ **_This is wrong!_ ** _ Learn your place! _

Kukui flinched, watching Lusamine trying to repair the screen and calling people to find the Nihilego. 

Pikachu stared up at them, wrestling the cap back into his paws.

“What?”

Kukui blinked. “What?”

Blankly staring, Yuka whispered again, “Pardon? I wasn’t paying attention. Can you repeat the question?” Their hands trembled.

Tilting his head, Pikachu wriggled in Yuka’s grip. Pikachu yelped when Yuka stood up, dropping him to the ground.

“...Why are you so quiet now- Never mind.” Kukui offered a hand to Pikachu, who stared at the hole in the ceiling, silent.

“Oh Mew, am I learning a new language?” Yuka groaned, pinching the bridge of their nose. “Excuse me if I’m learning a new language-”

“No, just, don’t worry about it.” Kukui met Burnet’s eyes, tilting his head towards the door.

Yuka stared up at the ceiling before setting Pikachu down. “What happened here? When is it? Wait, where am I? Why am I here? And why-”

Pikachu met Yuka’s eyes.

**_Why do I feel the urge to follow you, whoever you are? Follow you to where forever lies?_ ** _ How long can people be friends with you?  _ **_Why do I want to leave?_ ** _ Why would anyone want to be friends with you?  _ **_What’s the logical reason I want to?_ ** _ Dumb. Rowdy. Lazy.  _ **_What’s pulling or pushing me?_ ** _ Petty. Overreacting. Crybaby. Weirdo. Freak. Failure. Loser. Trash. TRASH.  _ **_TRASH._ **

Shaking his head, Pikachu darted out the door with Ash’s cap.

“We should get going,” Burnet said, blinking when Yuka watched Pikachu leave as well. 

Kukui nodded to Burnet, reaching out to tap Yuka’s shoulder only to wince as Yuka shied away from him. “You probably don’t trust us-”

“Let’s go!” Yuka cheered, a perfect grin on their face. “It’s gonna be such an adventure! You guys are gonna follow me, since I obviously know more than you!”

Everyone sweatdropped as Yuka zoomed off.

“...Acting childish, huh,” Lusamine murmured, fidgeting with her hands.

Burnet and Kukui exchanged a glance before chasing after Yuka.

Hair swishing, Yuka flicked at a plant leaf, noting the brightness and pokemon of the region. “Whoa, was that a- oh no, what is that called?” Yuka squinted. “Wait, what was I supposed to be doing?” Thoughts as fleeting as dreams, Yuka traced a finger across the veins on the leaf and the ground and the bark on the nearby trees and-

“Um, Yuka?” Kukui called out.

“Are you sad?” Yuka said as if the words were foreign. “I don’t understand. Why? Oh Mew, is it something I said or did?” Tilting their head, Yuka peeked up at them. “Sharper breathing. Your faces. The way you stand… Should I do anything? Should I… care?”

Before Burnet or Kukui could respond, Yuka gasped, running across the street to stare at another tree.

Burnet facepalmed, walking up to Yuka. “That was dangerous, can you remember to look both ways next time?”

“Hm? Oh yeah sure, I don’t care that much!” Yuka said, meeting Burnet’s and Kukui’s eyes with a photo perfect grin. “Surely you don’t have to care that much either.”

Burnet and Kukui stiffened.

_ Don’t be so sensitive.  _ **_Why are they caring so much for me?_ ** _ You’re too insensitive.  _ **_Why was I so reckless?_ ** _ Boys will be boys.  _ **_Why am I caring?_ ** _ Just ignore them.  _ **_Why am I not being a logical person?_ ** _ You can deal with this, right?  _ **_Why is this happening?_ ** _ It’s clear who the master of the house is. _

Kukui took a deep breath, tearing his gaze away. “Do you know why you trust us?”

“Nope! But of course you’re concerned!” Yuka said, wiping their hands on their tank top. “Is there anything I could do to help?”

“What.”

“Yeah, hard work pays off, you know!”

Burnet and Kukui fell silent.

“You know, I would love to help the world someday!” Yuka said, staring up at the sky. “...Why are you sad? The world is beautiful!” They shot up to their feet, clenching their fists. “You should just get over it, you know? There’s logically no reason for anyone to continue being sad, you know? There’s no point to it. It’s what my father told me, after all!” Both professors stared at Yuka. “...What were we talking about?”

Yuka met their eyes.

_Your injuries don’t matter._ ** _Something’s wrong._** _Your needs don’t matter._ ** _You’re just imagining things._** _Your accomplishments don’t matter._ **_That’s what my father always said, right?_** _Your opinions don’t matter._ ** _You’re never good enough._** _All that matters is you being our child._ ** _Something is WRONG._**

“Whatever. What happened to me doesn’t matter, why would what happened to all you matter?” After a pause, Yuka laughed. “Oh that reminds me, I have so many school projects to do. Forgot what they were though, so I’ll probably not do them anyways.”

_You can ask for help! Why are you so needy?_ ** _Is this a movie?_** _You can make mistakes, everyone does! Why are you such a failure, not being perfect?_ ** _Are any of us real?_** _You aren’t sleeping enough, your health is more important than schoolwork!_ ** _How much time am I losing?_** _You’re sleeping too much, why are you slacking on your homework?_ ** _I don’t feel anything anymore._** _Do what you want! Don’t do that, do this! And you should do this. And this. And this-_

Yuka fidgeted with their hair. “So uh, yeah. Is Christmas soon? I promise I’m a good kid! Not going to open my presents early! Oh, is Santa going to come? They better not bring me a furby,  _ Mew _ those  _ things _ .” They wrung their hands. “Wait, that doesn’t make sense.” Yuka paused. “Do I still believe in Santa? What’s…”

**_I have to- I need to- I must find him. Find- find him._ ** _ You researched so much on this random topic, why can’t you just use that motivation to focus on something useful?  _ **_Be with him. Be there. Be there. Be there._ ** _ And no I don’t want to hear about your new stupid interest. _ **_Ripped- Torn- Need- Can’t fail can’t fail can’t fail again. Find him._ ** _ Oh, your classmates are having contests to make you grin? Just have some fun, why don’t you. If grinning helps appease others, you might as well keep grinning. _

_ A million miles away, connecting in our own way. I can feel you out there, Yuka. A million miles from emptiness. _

“No no no I can’t stop,” Yuka said. “I should get a phone if my father allows it, I should search up restaurants, I should go eat- Did I eat yet? I don’t remember. I’m not complaining. I’ll just go and have some water, that’s enough, right? It’s fine if I don’t eat, I don’t mind, I can’t think of why I should, actually.” They held out their hands. “But hey! We could go on adventures! Read books! Try not to be bored of my favorite hobby for once! Woo! I could go get coffee, see if it makes me more active and jittery or more sleepy and calm! It’ll be great-”

“Please slow down,” Kukui said, sweatdropping.

“And uh, can you please not shout like that?” Burnet added, wincing.

Yuka stared into space, frozen. 

**_Why?_ **

Like being tugged by string, Yuka walked in one direction. 

_ Why aren’t you being more aggressive? Why aren’t you being more of a good kid? Why are you so timid? Why can’t you just be well behaved? Why do you have such low self-esteem? Why do you look so proud of yourself? Why do you suck at communication? Why do you talk so much?  _ **_Why am I slipping out of my body?_ **

“Just keep going- just keep going- just keep going-”

_ Don’t be like those kids. Be more like those kids.  _ **_I can’t remember._ ** _ You never ask for anything. Be more assertive.  _ **_I’m supposed to trust them._ ** _ Why are you so disrespectful? Be less childish.  _ **_Why would they be mean?_ ** _ Eating too much. Too skinny.  _ **_Don’t I want the attention?_ ** _ You shouldn’t be so greedy.  _ **_Shut up shut up shut up-_ **

“Hey,” Burnet started, “From what I can tell, the… anomaly is… probably that way?” She pointed in the opposite direction. 

Yuka whined, “But I wanna go that way! I wanna explore! Not deal with a bunch of people!”

“No, we’re-” Kukui started.

Freezing, Yuka crossed their arms. 

**_They hate me- they hate me- they’re judging me-_ ** _ I’m your friend, I’m allowed to make fun of you. _ **_I upset them- I can’t do anything right-_ ** _ No I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m asking a genuine question, stupid!  _ **_I gotta agree with them- gotta be submissive- gotta gotta-_ ** _ You’ll never be a pokemon master.  _ **_Wrong wrong wrong-_ **

“Oh  _ Mew _ , it’ll be so boring! And he’s gonna take your attention away from me!” Yuka casually said, running a hand through their hair with a shrug. Burnet and Kukui exchanged a glance. “I mean, yeah sure! What are we doing? I don’t want to be annoying or anything like that.”

_ You have to be smart and do stem subjects if you even have a chance to succeed in life! You have to stick to what you love and you should naturally do! I’m just trying to help you. Seriously, you’re the only one who has these problems. No wonder you don’t belong. Think of everyone you’re making miserable! Can’t you just focus? This is why you can’t maintain relationships-  _ **_Oh Mew, please shut up._ **

“We’re going to check on Ash, can you please come along?” Kukui asked.

“Yeah,” Burnet added, “you can explore on the way there!”

Yuka grumbled before nodding. “Fine, but only because you told me to.” 

Before either professor could react, Yuka ran off.

In the meantime, a dark figure ambled out of the ocean depths. A pokemon turned to human? A migrating seafarer? An aquatic inhabitant?

They were totally dry.

Short of breath, they stared up the cliffs adorning the coasts. They took a step onto the sand. They clenched and unclenched their fists before sprinting up to the edge of the cliff.

Tapu Koko hovered in the air, overlooking the beach.

**_You can change your life through your dreams. But this cruel illusion is kind of too sweet for me... isn't it? All the things you would change is only a dream. Just a nightmare you made to kill the pain. Even so… Don’t you feel happy inside?_ **

**_You’re awake._ **

With a smiling face, the person tip-toed next to the legendary. They put a white hand on the legendary’s shield, dragging the feeling of the ocean depth alongside them.

_ Coming out of the shadows. Offering a blessing. Sacrificing love. Who knows what’s below the ocean spray? _

Tapu Koko shivered, the feeling of cracked glaciers crawling across their body. They jolted as Ash made a scary face at them, mouth blown up and melted.

Ash chuckled, going back to normal. As normal as  _ Ash _ would be.

“Scared ya?” Ash asked, poking his face into a grin.

Floating around Ash, Tapu Koko narrowed their eyes while staring at the Xs in Ash’s blank eyes.

Fingers just a little too spindly. Chest just a little too caved in. Muscles just a little too watery.

Skin just a little too yellow, as if Ash was wearing six layers of raincoats.

Ash tilted his head. “Hey, why don’t we go get some soup? Not only tastes good, but it’s good for everyone’s souls~ And oh, I'm STAA-AARVING!”

Tapu Koko shot upwards, hovering over Ash with tense shields.

Ash didn’t care.

“I’m so hungry I could eat my entire arm! Or tail, if I had one!” Crisscrossing diamonds were engraved on Ash’s skin like a net as an icicle-like tail slithered under his shirt. “Whoa, success!”

_ Hunger's always peaking. Fed up. It's guaranteed that you'll probably succeed. _

Wait, wasn’t there a white circle on his shirt before? Not a purple square?

Ash munched at his “tail,” laughing when it poofed into air. “I’m going to get a skinless cupcake, see you-”

Tapu Koko used Discharge on Ash.

Ash jolted, watching blue bruises swirl across his hands like bioluminescent spots, a milky galaxy. 

“Ow. That hurt,” he droned. “What gives?”

_ Blue baby. Purple guy. Pink elderflowers. _

A rainbow-colored sphere enveloped Tapu Koko as they prepared to use Dazzling Gleam.

“Wait, this is just a happy dream phenom-” Ash dodged Tapu Koko’s attack. “Talk to me! What am I doing wrong? Come on, I need some instructions here! Am I getting into trouble for not doing anything-”

Tapu Koko clipped Ash’s arm with a Steel Wing.

Ash gritted his teeth, teardrop marks forming under his eye, sharp enough to be weapons.

Bracing themselves by pulling their shields closer, Tapu Koko hissed. Ash disappeared for a moment before reappearing.

“Your pizza’s here~” Ash chirped, tossing a metal can up and down. “Just kidding. I got a can from the ocean though! Would you like a pun?” He dodged as Tapu Koko rammed at him. “Hey, I’m trying my best to help the earth!” He dodged another bolt of electricity. “Wow, rude. Alright alright, I’ll do more.”

Three orbs, colored red, yellow, and blue, trailed Ash like constellations. A sweet smell crawled across the island. The faint outline of Butterfree wings dumped glitter where Ash was standing.

A clearish-blue flower crown hovered around Ash’s head, adorned with marshmallow stars and falling pink petals of tears.

_ A name bathed in gold. The reality paved in gold. Takin’ the crown now. _

Soft singing twirled around them. Songs of praise.

Ash sighed, patting his face. “Ok, I helped  _ all  _ of the islands, are you happy now?”

The soft singing ascended the island.

Literally.

Tapu Koko and Ash both froze.

Music notes sparkled, coercing the island to fly.

Levitating, Ash closed his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll fix it!”

Glowing mushrooms popped up around them, each floating on a blue sphere.

A bead of sweat shrieked as it rolled down Ash’s face.

“Oh no no nonono-” Ash murmured under his breath.

The skies turned purple. Swords tried mowing the smiling clouds. 

Mischievous boxes danced around the eerily empty beach. Twinkling crystals and pencils jutted out of the ground to fulfill the boxes of fun things.

Tapu Koko zapped Ash. Was this person really Ash?

He sure didn’t feel like Ash.

Ash clenched his fists, the three orbs around his head shattering and tumbling onto the beach as sand.

Slowpokes paddled through the air. The moon usually seen during the day cowered under the harsh sunlight. Uncomfortably close raspy breaths behind a dark facade.

_ Do you see a real person? Or just a lie? _

Putting his hands up, Ash shook his head. “No, I got it, I’m sorry.” He stepped to the side when Tapu Koko tried to jab at him. “Dude, I just wanted to have some fun! Who are you anyways?”

Tapu Koko chirped, shields glowing white.

They had to take out the enemy, the  _ imitator. _

Ash gaped as rings formed around the planet, tangled with a green web of tentacles, laced with red yarn. 

Are they living inside the moon?

A Sylveon floated by, rocking an empty crib.

An empty stone heart, thrown away. Withstand the loneliness.

_ Tragic magic. Lonesome wholesome. Cuddle puddle. Bleak week. Swell hell. _

The eye designs on the crib dripped with ink.

The world got replaced with white fabric and plastic, muted yet vivid. A place full of life, without pain.

Paint trickled down the world to make cartoon smiles on every object in sight.

It's like it's meant to be~

Fireworks that shatter the sky in triple intervals of dots and dashes.

_ Drip. Drip. Drip.  _

Barrels. Maps. Ropes. Rainbows. Phone booths. Disco balls. Mudsdales. 

A calendar with June 19th written all over it. Pretending the day will never end.

Fire dancing in the palms of a million hands, searing yet shivering in their islands of water.

Pokemon human hybrid candy flickering different colors.

Closed eyes. White blushes. Yellow tufts. Curled tails. One giant eye.

Chrysanthemum tea, boundless and formless as if in space, floated besides them.

Tapu Koko shook their head, charging towards Ash.

A bandaged scythe whizzed past them.

The soft singing slowed down, replaced by the sound of a lullaby and crying baby. 

_ Crying gold. Crying ink. Conquering a cry for love that wants to live. _

_ Don’t you cry, dear children. Come, little children, to your darkest fears inside. _

A single lullaby.

Over and over and over…

Destiny’s melody was coming to strangle them all.

_ Screaming.  _ Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. 

It cackled.

It flowed through the air like veins on a leaf.

It pounded at your chests and screamed into your ears, begging to be let in.

Ash slid under Tapu Koko, scraping his forearms. He covered his head when floating mouths laughed at them. The trees nearby grew ears, and vines sprawled across the land. The silhouette of a man flickered in the fog.

“All of this is normal, right?” Ash nervously laughed as the world shimmered at the edges. “None of this is real! This is just an endless loop of chaos!”

Cutting a spool of pink thread.

Street signs torn off and rusting. Lights flickering and shattering. The ground missing tiles. 

Tōryanse played.

Halos surrounded the crystal mushrooms, playfully swirling around them.

Tapu Koko slammed the ground, using Nature’s Madness to purge Ash.

Vacancy signs flaring “no.”

Ash hugged himself, curled up.

The attack didn’t hit.

Dark toxic puddles seeped out from where Ash was, dripping off the cliff and drowning the attack out.

The ground bubbled.

The world was heaving.

A living painting. Of pain.

“Was this my fault?” Ash murmured, staring at his hands. Tapu Koko froze. Ash’s gaze, mad with toxins, darted about before landing on Tapu Koko. “Or is this yours?”

Ash shoved himself off the ground, injuries instantly healing. He pointed to Tapu Koko. 

Poison soaked through the ground, spewing out like castle towers.

“What are you trying to hide?” Ash asked, grinning. “Oh, it  _ is _ your fault, isn’t it? I remember now. It was all of you legendaries’ fault I’m like this. Isn’t that right, Tapu Koko?”

Tapu Koko used Steel Wing, charging towards Ash.

Ash dodged.

He threw up a wall of poison.

“This is a warning, Tapu Koko~”

Tapu Koko used Steel Wing again.

The ocean roared behind them. 

Each step Ash takes to dodge Tapu Koko’s attacks, the farther the poison spread across the ground.

Screeching to a stop in the air, Tapu Koko started to use Dazzling Gleam, growling when Ash spun poison around him like cotton candy.

Tapu Koko used Discharge on Ash, blinking when Ash shook himself free of the paralysis. “Oh, you want to play~? Don’t you know you’re all alone~?”

Another bolt of electricity shot at Ash.

Ash twirled, hurling waves of poison like a pinball countershield. He met Tapu Koko’s gaze with a grin. “Then you better keep me amused.”

Tapu Koko hit Ash with a stray bolt of electricity.

Ash crumbled into gooey laughter.

**_How long can you keep this up, Tapu Koko~?_ **

A substitute stufful doll appeared where Ash last was. It had “Teddy” written on its name tag, and it randomly squeaked.

Oh, and the fact that it was grinning with several sets of teeth. Its limbs were cut off. Its neck was stretched and bent almost all the way to the ground.

Tapu Koko hissed, using Nature’s Madness and lighting up the area.

_ The dark side of light. Is it worth fighting for? The darkest side of me? Growing distant with who I used to be? The final product of monstrosity? Even when I just want to be liked? _

“Look, this hole was made for me!” Ash said from the ground, his… gooey skin glowing a lavender color as electricity sparked around him.

He didn’t react to the pain.

Tapu Koko charged at Ash, blinking when Ash poofed away, leaving behind a cardboard cutout of a skeleton halfway decomposed and a framed picture of several eggs, all with different designs.

_ A rotten love. Longing to die. That’s why it’s denied.  _ **_Oh, you'll die, but it will be slow._ **

“Aha, you've discovered my rotting bones!” Ash joked, poking at the exposed wires for brains and dotting three black spots on the side of the skull. “Just kidding.” He snapped, and clones of him spread across the area. “Why're you so afraid of me and my friends? We're only gonna bury you alive~”

It was almost as if Ash took his soul and separated it into different bodies. 

Different bags of flesh. Different pink clay figures with big eyes writhing around. Different vessels in gifted wedding dresses.

Did he even have a soul???

_ A graveyard for broken dolls. For pixelated faces with crystallized sugar melting into their brains. For homes that have died and the warmth of divine cyanide tears. For swollen hearts and pin cushion arms. _

Tapu Koko shot electricity at all of them.

Dark clouds spiraled around the sun.

Ash propped his head up on a big boulder. “ _ Please _ , you can not possibly hurt me more than what I went through.” He leaned to the side to avoid an attack. “Humor me here, what’s the scariest thing you can think of?”

Tapu Koko answered him with a bolt of electricity.

Ash pouted. “You’re no fun.” He tapped his chin, floating down to the ground. “How about 23% battery? Being questioned on reporting every little thing? Remaining alone with the memories of a better time?”

The legendary hissed, charging past Ash’s poison wall with Steel Wing.

_ Are those fairy tales? _

Shrugging, Ash let the ground grow around him.

By the time Tapu Koko crashed through the rocks, Ash was behind the legendary.

With a stomp, Ash blocked Tapu Koko’s Discharge attack by extending the ground upwards.

“Are you feeling powerless yet~?” Ash said, twirling a rock bigger than he is with a hand. “Holy moly, is that really the best you’ve got?”

The purple square on his shirt turned black, and a blue haze surrounded Ash.

_ A picture of Wattson next to Scott. _

Ash dodged a Steel Wing, flipping over a Discharge while skittering across the ground.

Tapu Koko chased him all across the town.

Windows shattered with how fast they were going.

“Tapu Koko, don't let that tempo slow~! Hurry up or fall behind~”

The cracking of wood. The clacking of tiles. The shrieking of metal.

Ash stared up at the destroyed statue. “You really should be more careful Tapu Koko-”

Clang!

Every clock nearby spun erratically. They stopped at ten o’clock, bleeding. Heat writhed in the dead silence. 

_ Just awaiting a deadly fate. The worst of the monsters are the ones in your head. _

Tapu Koko stopped their Steel Wing attack, trying to move.

Four green blades bursting out of Ash’s chest clamped them in place.

**_Oh, how uncreative..._ **

Ash’s gaze kept staring forward, eyes leeching the color from the clouds above.

Ash grinned.

It was forced. It was familiar. It was  _ human _ .

**_The moment you think you’re safe is the moment I will get you, my little buddy. Even in the dead of night, I will always find you. Catch you. So try to survive, alright? All eyes are on you._ **

Tapu Koko dropped to the ground when Ash’s blades turned black and sheathed themselves.

“But you know, I’m not gonna waste my energy on you. Even with how toxic you are.”

Ash turned his back to Tapu Koko, killing all of the illusions. 

As Tapu Koko tried to finish Ash off as well, Ash stopped him in his tracks with a hand. 

“You’re lucky you remind me of when I was younger~” Ash purred. “All I ask is for me to be free~”

Flipping backward, concrete cracked where Ash landed.

Ash  _ didn’t _ care.

Kicking a bottle of spray paint away, Ash pried a stick from the welded rebar next to them.

Tapu Koko stared as Ash twirled the steel stick in his hand, compressing it into a sheet.

“If you won’t let me put my soul to rest, I guess I have to put  _ yours  _ to rest.”

The sickeningly sweet sap from Ash’s words made red cracks in Ash’s face.

Ash sealed them up by plastering his face to the steel sheet. 

Stone armor built around him, bursting into light.

Tapu Koko stared as Ash grew outwards into his Nihilego form, the black crown gleaming upon Ash’s head. 

Black lines trailed along his stingers, ending in three yellow loops.

_ Wear this ring and join the game~ Because how can a human lose their self-control? Come on, do a digital dance with me~ Stuck on replay~ Dance the stress away~ _

Tapu Koko immediately zoomed back towards the beach. Ash cackled. “Funny, isn’t it~? Isn’t it fun~? To play hide and seek~? Maybe tag~? Don't make noise, I’ll stop your heart~”

_ I’m waiting for you~ _

His stingers stabbed into the ground.

“A martyr, huh?” Ash chuckled. “How honorable. Too bad I’m better at it than you’ll ever be.” His stingers all tucked in as he chased after Tapu Koko, cooing, “Here I come~! Come and play with me~! Where~ are~ you~? Come on out, I’m just an innocent little boy~”

_ A place of innocence, now a cage. Prisoner under a facade. Why would I need to come back to this… repulsive place? _

With a giggle, he appeared right next to a wary Tapu Koko. “Found~ you~ Victory for me~” With a laugh, Ash chirped, “Did you really think you can hide from a being made of pure aura? I’ll always hunt you down~”

**_M⊕R十IS._ **

Tapu Koko was weary.

“Wow~ You exist~ You shouldn’t~” Ash chuckled when Tapu Koko flew off. “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be the hero~? The savior~? The one fighting for what's right~?” Ash spun around, yelling, “Do I have to  _ impale  _ you in order for you to help me or something?” 

Weaving back and forth, Tapu Koko stared back at Ash. Ash shot next to Tapu Koko.

“What? Finally realized what’s up?” Ash flipped away from a jab, using the rocks secured around his stingers to boost him over Tapu Koko. “Man, what will make you submit to me~?”

As Tapu Koko used Dazzling Gleam, Ash twirled off the cliff onto the beach. Tapu Koko dodged as Ash tried to crush them by slingshotting a large rock.

**_Get your pretty little shields down here~ Wear that mask to protect your life~_ **

_ A white cracked human mask. Arrows flying around. The shattered mask exploding, _

Dark clouds bloomed, trickling to create a rainbow.

Drops of rain. Pain. When will it all burn? It didn’t even matter.

Tapu Koko floated down next to Ash as he made sandcastles around him.

The sandcastles fizzled like bath bombs.

_ A soaked newspaper bridge stripped from the glue of relationships yet flooded with soul. Colder and older. _

“I dwell in gloom. And you better realize it.” Ash gestured a stinger at Tapu Koko, hands flapping. “Come on, I’m the Chosen One~ We’re friends, right? We’re neighbors, right?”

_ I can be your beloved trusted friend in this dark, dark world. You have no one else. _

Tapu Koko shook their head.

“...I see.” Ash grinned. “You want your peace back? Then you better defeat me~”

Tapu Koko used Dazzling Gleam.

Strangely, they had the energy for it. Were they just healed?

Ash blocked with a spray of sand, easily clipping Tapu Koko’s wing with a stray rock from the cliffside. 

Tapu Koko tumbled onto the sand, not hurt, but definitely miffed.

Putting his stingers in front like a shield, Ash joked, “You looked so foolish. What are you doing? Training a Rattata circus?”

Toxic spikes forced Tapu Koko back into the air, where the legendary used Discharge.

Rocks dripping with poison circled Ash, taking the hits and crumbling into sand.

Steel Wing?

Ash twirled out of the way, dumping a bunch of rocks onto Tapu Koko.

Nature’s Madness?

Ash hovered, zipping away and shielding himself from the sparks. A flicker of purple surrounded him.

He didn’t care anyways.

_ Daddy was not there. Mommy would not care. _

“Give it up Tapu Koko, you can’t win,” Ash said with a shrug. “Bow to me.”

Tapu Koko got even more miffed. Ash grinned.

As Tapu Koko fled, Ash kept pace with them. “Where do you think you’re going~? You still have to solve my problems~ I’ve waited so long for this~!”

_ The word ‘schuld’ was scribbled across the sky. Lamentable lusciousness zipped across the ground. _

Ash froze, shaking his head. Tapu Koko stared as Ash’s eyes went bloodshot.

A fluffy black wisp trailed behind Ash as Ash soared above Tapu Koko, sludge flying like stray feathers.

**_I’m a little birdie~ Soaring free~ Wondering what did I do wrong~?_ **

Tapu Koko rose next to Ash, almost phasing through Ash with how breezy his skin seemed to be.

“You know I'm going to find you in the end. I'll always cut through your mind the way you did mine.” Ash shook his head as if clearing his thoughts like an etch a sketch before scowling. “Why don’t you go hide in a refrigerator? Maybe a bathroom? ‘Machiko machiko~’” Ash forced a fond expression. “Maybe get crushed by an elevator?”

_ A white, stained elevator, depicting a bloody jaw. The walls oozed. _

Hissing, Tapu Koko tried swatting at Ash. 

Ash dodged.

“Nihilegos aren’t this fast, you know.” Ash laughed. “Look, I can even customize my own skin~!”

A triangular shape covered Ash’s head. Ash tipped the front upwards so it wouldn’t droop down his grinning face.

Tapu Koko doesn’t say anything.

“Oh, you still don’t get it? Whatever. This is all you guys’ fault anyways. After all...” His pupils bloomed crimson, and his voice turned robotic. “Like it or not, it’s just a game. Mostly.”

_ This reality. My mentality. Isn’t it awfully lonely? Is this just déjà-vu? _

He twirled in the air, playing with a bolt of lightning and racing a drop of rainwater. 

“Hey player, are you having fun~? Are you ready to patch our game relation~? Man, can you even get through normal mode~? Come on, hands up if you're ready for a fight!” Ash chuckled. “You hold a special place in a lot of children’s hearts, right~? Fantasy and fun~? Man, can you even understand me? Is that why you haven’t been cooperating with me~?”

_ The words ‘duolingo routine’ written on a piece of paper and ending with ‘3-4’. Ten years old, alternating between cool and warm colors. Purple to gold. _

“Tsk. Be glad I only have the motivation to fight you  _ once _ . You guys do this so often I can’t even count. So I’m going to make this  _ count _ .” Ash twirled around Tapu Koko. “The game will end when your life does. No pausing. No saving. But you knew that already, didn’t you~? Your life, my game~ Fight for this love~”

Tapu Koko kept flying along the coast of the island, glancing over at Ash every so often.

Ash pouted, copying Tapu Koko’s color scheme to mock them.

“Oh, can I live on in your body?” Ash joked. “That’s fine, right? Because we’re friends!” He grinned. “I want to know  _ exactly  _ how you function. After all, your story ends tonight~ And it must be told~”

Screeching to a stop in the air, Tapu Koko stared at Ash, a sheen of sweat on their tense shields.

“We’ve already bonded anyways, aren’t we~?”

Tapu Koko blinked.

“You didn’t know? That’s funny. You should have been better prepared for this~”

The clattering of flashlight trailed after Ash as he dived through the clouds.

_ Pages of children’s drawings. Grey scribbles of static over blank faces. _

Tapu Koko twitched, slamming into Ash and sending them both to the ground.

Blue orbs with purple webbing sprouted on the ends of Ash’s stingers.

Ash rolled his eyes, backflipping and scooping Tapu Koko in his stingers.

The world glitched around them.

_ Juggling Exeggutors. Laughter to kill time.  _ **_Is there any meaning to death?_ **

“I could maul you, and you know it~” Ash dangled Tapu Koko by the shields, smiling. “I could suffocate and drain you of aura right now. But I won’t. Because I’m nicer than you guys. Because being drained is cold and no one will enjoy it. Especially not you.” 

Small beads of goo sludged around Ash’s head.

Tapu Koko used Discharge, wrestling out of Ash’s grasp.

Ash sighed, mocking, “You’ve been such a good pokemon, right~? You can take it with pride, right~? Enjoy the ride~? Soon you’ll see, none of this means anything~” Ash hugged himself, shrugging. “It didn’t mean anything to me anymore. I was already so used to it. Now you get to experience it~”

_ Saint. Sinner. Heaven. Hell. Death and love and stealing pain. Everyone eventually runs out of time. If heaven is where you’ll be, send me to hell. I dare you. _

Shields still white, Tapu Koko charged at Ash. 

Ash stretched out an aura sphere into a white bat, blocking the attack before hitting Tapu Koko as if they were a baseball. 

Floating down next to Tapu Koko, Ash mocked, “A-yu-woki?”

Tapu Koko shook the sand off their shields, narrowing their eyes at Ash. 

“Oh, continue?” Ash propped his head up with his stingers, crooked devil horns on his head curled at the tips. “I would say stay determined, but I frankly don’t care.”

_ Eyes stared down at them from the shattered sky. _

Pointing out to the ocean, Tapu Koko chirped.

“Sure, you can call upon some of your friends, but it’s ultimately up to  _ you _ to defeat me. You wouldn’t want to tell them you couldn’t handle little ol’ me alone, right~? It’s supposed to be  _ your  _ job. It’s going to be  _ your _ job to save the world.” Ash’s stingers broke out into fiery scales, floating Ash over Tapu Koko. “So why are you hesitating~? It’s not because I’m willing to tear apart the earth to kill you, right? Too bad! If you’re like me, you wouldn’t wish this on any other living being. That’s the whole point of you being a martyr, right~? Go beyond the point of no return~?”

Tapu Koko hissed, totally miffed.

“Good! You know how I feel about you guys!”

_ A shattered lightbulb. A shattered world. A shattered heart. _

_ Let it crash. One more day. Everyday. Every day. _

Tapu Koko slammed the sand, trying to use Nature’s Madness. Ash simply absorbed the aura, taking the electricity.

“Nah don’t worry, I won’t do that again. So you’ll at least have a  _ chance  _ at defeating me.” Ash put a stinger over his mouth, amused. 

A dodge.

“There’s no normal for me, Tapu Koko.” Ash whirled in the air, an aura sphere floating around him sharpening. “You can’t order me around anymore. Too bad for you~”

Flipping the knife made out of aura, Ash chuckled. “I’ll make you into udon! I hope your visceral remains are sweet~!” He carved symbols into his knife, grinning. “Goodbye. I’ll seal you in a cute little bottle of despair and toss you into the ocean so I’ll  _ never _ deal with you guys again.”

_ Paper boats dangling over a tsunami. A single red balloon popping in the atmosphere. Depths of dark despair. _

“After all, this is all your fault~ Why didn’t you stop this problem from the very beginning~? Oh, you couldn’t? Isn’t that your job~?” Ash shook his head, a disappointed look on his face. “Now  _ I _ have to fight to be legendary.”

Tapu Koko growled.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Being blamed for the actions of your entire people? Er, your entire group of legendaries?” With a small laugh, Ash tossed the intricate knife up and down before grating it across the ground. “I’m the creator of this game, and while one of us is going down, I won’t  _ lose _ . Heroes never die, you know?”

_ Five stars glistening within the ground. A place deep in my heart.  _ **_I’m not lying, Tapu Koko. All this game wants to do, is to play and break you like a toy, show me how defenseless you really are. After all, this game doesn’t want you in it._ **

**_You better get out of this game before you can’t. You won't get out this time._ **

**_You're never ever gonna leave again._ **

Tapu Koko chirped, shaking their head.

“Oh? Yeah, I was too busy being your tool to ever move on. Too busy being the hollow superhuman, locked up in my cuckoo head and a cage of self-doubt~ Making me play along~ Why would I want your hand  _ this  _ time?”

**_So I do have to thank you for the fun. This is how you define it, right~? It’s no fun without a challenge~? Enjoy the show! It must go on._ **

Ash side stepped Tapu Koko’s Discharge attack, ducking under a Dazzling Gleam.

“Did you know I feigned ignorance this whole time?” Ash said, using his stingers to stop Tapu Koko from using Steel Wing on him. He dipped his head. “I can tell you're unsure. Why don’t you keep questioning everything~? Bring me some fresh screams~? It’s all just copacetic~”

A shower of sparks erupted as Ash forced the legendary back.

Ash didn’t  _ care _ .

Tapu Koko stumbled backward when a garden of shadows dripped down Ash’s pale face as if mangling it into a cracked mask.

_ A soft smile twisted into a stone carved scream. You’re in deep, my friend. Echoes of screams will forever last. We  _ **_always_ ** _ come back. _

Stingers drumming the sand, Ash let the dust swirl in the air.

“So how hard are you going to push me?”

Tapu Koko tilted their head.

“You keep pushing me to do the right thing. And honestly? You pushed too hard.”

_ Realm of love, now a warm, dead illusion. Positively chilling. Breathing a love lost. Toxic dreaming of normality. Impressed. Obsessed.  _

_ You’re mistaken trying to find reason in this loving hatred. It doesn’t matter how hard you try at all. After all, what good are words when a fight says it all? _

An ice cage formed around the shivering Ash, iced with black spikes just waiting to be punched open.

Hugging himself, burning goo beaded up around him like oil over water.

_ Sizzling. Sloshing. Drowning. _

“And it’s never enough for all of you, huh? You legendaries  _ still _ don’t realize how destructive and dangerous you all can be?”

Eyes as bright as the sun currently being engulfed by the clouds, Ash touched his throat, breathing deeply.

His throat burned with screeches.

“I thought if I treated you nicely, this would all end. I thought if I treated you careful,  _ you _ would last. So do me a favor.” Ash’s red eyes made it look like his face was burning, spiraling, grinning. “Have some fun with me.”

The world distorted around them.

“Playtime is  _ over  _ for you. You already beat the fun levels, but… fun for whom?” Ash asked, smearing the goo flaring up around his face. Tapu Koko chirped, stiffening when Ash grew in size. “I’ll give you a challenge. Just to have fun. Just because I  _ can _ . Just because there is  _ no way _ I could  _ ever _ scare anyone by killing them.  _ No way. _ ”

Shrugging, Tapu Koko twitched.

“...Are you seriously  _ still  _ going to dismiss my experiences? You wouldn't like to see me angry, would you~? Because it’s about to erupt. Come on, you’re still  _ warm _ . We can stop-”

Tapu Koko crossed their claws, challenging Ash.

Ash gritted his teeth before sighing, dropping his stingers to his side. “You really have no sympathy for me. I guess you will never understand anyways.”

His Nihilego form blended into the ocean depth.

Four arms made out of void erupted from Ash’s side, sharpening into claws.

Spike-like extensions poked out at the edges of the bell of the Nihilego, complete with a pointy tail.

Horns and spines clawed their claw out of the Nihilego body.

Ash’s chest cracked into red squiggles converging into ink.

Tapu Koko shrunk as yellow eyes and a cheshire grin lit up on the Nihilego bell like a pumpkin mask.

**_I’ll always be here to haunt you, Tapu Koko. The knowledge of living a miserable life. Can you discover why we’re even here?_ **

Ash floated up.

He dragged the sun out the clouds.

Sunshine flooded the world.

The world scorched.

Charging up Steel Wing, Tapu Koko braced themself.

The Nihilego around Ash wrapped with lightning, the jagged scars on it glowing. 

He was made of pure power. His snarls were cracking like thunder. His mind was a hurricane of frenzied thoughts. His entire being was in tune with chaos.

Tapu Koko charged at Ash.

Ash countered with an aura shield.

He pounced at Tapu Koko.

He smacked Tapu Koko onto the ground.

Ash’s hair swished like smoke, morphing with the clouds.

Reaching a hand from beneath his hair, Ash dangerously grinned.

With a simple flick, he commanded this paralyzing world of agony. 

_ It’s not worth analyzing. _

The storms coming his way only made him stronger.

He controlled the tsunamis. His blood boiled to create wildfires. His eyes were deader than a bleached desert and colder than a blizzard over crops. 

The sky trembled.

The world was a raging fire.

Tapu Koko used Discharge.

Ash unflinchingly directed it into the sky.

He held out a hand.

Tapu Koko got pinned with rocks.

Breaking out with Steel Wing, Tapu Koko used Dazzling Gleam.

Ash countered with an aura sphere around himself.

After colliding, Ash sent a barrage more at Tapu Koko.

Tapu Koko dodged.

They spun, an electric shield around them.

Zooming around Ash, Tapu Koko’s shields glowed white.

Ash skewered the ground with his claws, letting sand fill the sky.

Teardrop-shaped poison flew erratically.

Using Steel Wing to shield themself, Tapu Koko charged at Ash.

Ash made aura spears spike out around him, all tipped with poison. 

Tapu Koko rammed into the spears.

Ash sent the spears flying against Tapu Koko.

Ash whirled, making a wet sandstorm of tears and anger.

Tapu Koko, flinging the spears away, shot electricity at the sandstorm.

With a flick, Ash made the sandstorm glow blue.

Spiky aura spheres burst into shards when hitting Tapu Koko’s Dazzling Gleam.

A twisting baton of poison flooded the ground. 

Tapu Koko charged up Steel Wing.

The ground molded around them, shooting projectiles at Tapu Koko.

While Tapu Koko dodged the non-stop projectiles, aura formed around Ash’s stingers.

Stingers gleaming, Ash batted the legendary down onto the ground. 

Rocks rolled across the sand, trailing poison.

Tapu Koko used Nature’s Madness before shooting back up.

Ash gathered the sparks of electricity, directing it upwards.

He snarled, tossing a giant rock into the sky and letting the electricity burst it into chunks that rained down.

Darting between all of the falling rocks, Tapu Koko flew upwards to avoid the splash of poison when they landed.

Ash’s arms floated off to the side, swinging around before shooting aura beams at Tapu Koko.

Tapu Koko dodged, using Steel Wing to bat the spinning poison attacks down to the ground.

Ash took ocean waves of poison and infused it into aura spheres floating around him. 

Spinning with Steel Wing, Tapu Koko rammed into Ash, immediately getting knocked back by the aura spheres.

Scowling, Tapu Koko tried to regain their position in the air.

Six feet of levitated sand buried them.

Ash simply stared.

Tapu Koko used Nature’s Madness, bursting out.

Ash twirled his wrist.

He blocked Tapu Koko’s Discharge by tossing boulders at the legendary.

Tapu Koko combined Dazzling and Steel Wing, charging towards Ash.

Ash stomped the sand.

The sand crystallized into glass.

Tapu Koko used Dazzling Gleam as Ash slingshotted glass shards at them.

Batting away a shard, Tapu Koko flew off.

Ash chased after them.

Darting into a clearing in the forest, Tapu Koko and Ash met gazes.

Tapu Koko charged at Ash with Steel Wing.

Ash countered with an aura shield.

The edges of Ash’s aura shield spiked.

Ash sent the shield flying.

Tapu Koko dodged.

The shield sliced through a tree.

Tapu Koko growled, electricity shooting towards Ash.

Ash shot a grid of aura shields at Tapu Koko, cornering them against a tree.

Breaking free with Dazzling Gleam, Tapu Koko coated themself with electricity. 

A firework of pebbles swirled above them. 

Using electricity to clear the way, Tapu Koko charged up Steel Wing.

A bombardment of overlapping poison and rocks hurled at Tapu Koko.

While Tapu Koko tried to dodge and push the poison away with Steel Wing, sunlight glided the aura swords Ash tried to skewer the legendary with.

Ash gulped, tasting the salt of his sweat.

Nihilego sludge gathered and dripped like melted wax.

Tapu Koko, covered with electricity while using Dazzling Gleam, shot towards Ash.

Ash stood his ground, letting poisoned rock spikes shoot up all around him.

Biting his lip, Ash made a phalanx of interlocking aura tiles, heaving it at Tapu Koko.

As Tapu Koko tried to defend themself, Ash created several pure white aura spheres, each honing onto Tapu Koko like a mind-controlled army.

Tapu Koko’s injuries flared white-hot.

Ash watched the legendary waver in the air, letting all of the poison retreat.

Dropping to the ground, Tapu Koko weakly sparked.

Small beads condensed around Ash as his facade faded without a trace.

The scorching smell of poison still hung in the air.

Turning away from Tapu Koko, Ash perked up. 

**_Pikachu…_ **

Ash’s starter stared between Ash and Tapu Koko, a small crowd of people behind him.

Clutching the cap closer, Pikachu padded next to Tapu Koko, cooing.

People pointed and stared at Ash.

Copper filled his mouth.

_ Motormouth. Drowning in oil. Final bow and stand. _

Growling, Pikachu raced forward in front of Ash, growling.

Ash said nothing.

Tapu Koko froze when Ash took a hold of his aura, forcing the ground to spike up with toxin and curl around the legendary.

Pikachu yelped, staring up at Ash.

Ash brushed off his hands.

Zipping around in a logicless dance, he hugged himself, humming and clicking his tongue in a rhythm.

_ Dark thoughts. Empty dreams. Just sleep. Just dream. _

Hissing, Pikachu put the cap on his head.

Ash didn’t care-

He cared too much.

The clouds grew dark above them, like the cyclones around Ash’s eyes. With a clench of his tentacles, he could create a landslide. With a simple twirl, he could create a tornado. With a simple bow, he could suspend the world through aura.

But he didn’t.

_ Sunshine in his punches. Twilight in his steps. Shadows in his tears. _

Rolling away from a rock storm, Pikachu aimed a Thunderbolt at Ash.

Tapu Koko chirped, careful not to touch the bars of their cage.

Ash twirled, channeling the electricity up to the sky before plunging in front of the crowd gathered to watch them. 

White fungus spread out from where he landed, decimating the wood around them.

His red eyes gleamed.

Pikachu gritted his teeth, bracing himself.

Red webbing of cracks ran across the ground at Ash’s roar. With a turn of his hand, Ash suspended a few large chunks of rocks around him.

Hissing, Tapu Koko tried to use Steel Wing to pry the spikes away, only for more spikes to surround them.

_ Alternating footsteps that blur into explosions. _

Pikachu stared at Tapu Koko before leaping at Ash and being frozen in midair when Ash reached a black tentacle out towards him. Staring at the eyes on the yellow interwoven rings surrounding the tentacles, Pikachu winced. 

One brush against a tree and it crumbles away, drained of aura. 

Ash absentmindedly tucked his tentacles in closer, slightly tugging at his hair.

In the midst of all the screaming, Yuka bounced in front of Ash, waving. “Hey there! Are you Ash?”

Silence.

Yelling, Pikachu waved from the air.

Burnet and Kukui stared up at Ash with jaw drops.

The white stars around Ash’s head spiraled faster as he shrugged and nodded. 

Yuka nudged at a pile of white sludge on the ground with their shoes. “Ew, what is this? It stinks.” They cringed, rubbing their nose. “Did you kill someone or something? And oh, Pikachu! Hey!”

Pikachu could only sweatdrop.

Ash rocked back and forth, the ends of his stingers turning pink and fluffy. The white robe draped over him sparkled in the sun. 

He reached a palm out at Yuka, white fangs temporarily blinding everyone.

Pikachu tried to wriggle out of Ash’s suspension.

Meeting Ash’s eyes, Yuka froze.

**_Care to join me, Yuka?_ **

“...Why?”

Ash twirled, the spikes on his stingers gleaming like bloody thorns on a plastic white rose.  **_You’ll be happy with me! I’ll protect you from all the things I’ve gone through! Come on, how about it? You and me against the world! We will be able to enjoy human activities like eating and breathing together! Live together in a little crooked house~!_ **

Yuka sported a photo perfect grin. “No.”

**_No?_ **

Pikachu froze.

Gritting his teeth, a blue outline surrounded Ash. The orbs on the end of his stingers sharpened into jaws. 

A splatter of saliva sizzled.

**_I don't think we will have any more birthdays together..._ **

“Ash!” Kukui yelled. “You’re a strong person, you can fight it!” Pikachu yelled in agreement, trying his hardest to even move.

Ash stared into Kukui’s eyes.

_ The world was blurry. Scissor cut stolen clothing. Greasy belongings; the smell of burning hair. Tumbling, always tumbling. Isolated and locked. Bouquets on his desk. School papers burnt into ash. A promise to prove them wrong. Has it all gone to waste? _

Kukui flinched, taking a step back. The memory seared through his mind, itching under his skin.

Burnet furrowed her eyebrows as Ash clenched and unclenched his fists. “Ash, please. You can hear us, right? You’ve seen first hand what fusing with a Nihilego does to people-”

Ash growled, slamming his stingers down before shaking his head and zooming backward. 

Pikachu yelped as he was dragged through the air. Yuka only blankly stared at them, a tiny twinge in their heart.

Ash’s spines pierced a tree, causing it to topple. Ash furrowed his eyebrows, covering his head with wide eyes.

“I don’t understand, why are you doing this?” Kukui asked. “You didn’t want this, did you? Why are you willingly-”

“Even I can see this isn’t healthy for you,” Yuka said with a wave of their hand. “But hey, you’re the caring one. We can’t help you unless you’re willing to be helped.” 

Ash did care.

But did he care how unhealthy it is? Is there anyone he’d rather be?

_ Don’t be shy. I don’t bite~ _

Burnet and Kukui both stared at Yuka. 

Pikachu cooed at Ash, waving a paw at him.

With a clenched jaw, Ash’s eyes glowed in warning. He turned away, baring his teeth.

Pikachu flew back and forth, clawing at the air.

Yuka shrugged, dropping their arms to their side while maintaining eye contact. “Keep going. We both know how this will go.”

Ash pursed his lips before letting out a bitter laugh that caused cracks where he floated.

He suspended the others in the air, sneering at and whirling around Yuka.

_ A dome of misdirected petals. Frayed and burnt rope shackles. Losing your voice as you slice up arrows. _

Both professors fell silent, staring at Ash with white faces.

Pikachu glanced over, sweatdropping and falling silent.

Ash’s aura boiled, spazzing like burning lightning spreading through a living being.

Yuka met Ash’s glares with a grin. A grin so fake, yet so real. “Why are you holding back?”

White knuckles. Black eyes.

“From what I’ve deduced, you’re able to manipulate any aura. That’s our- well, your job, right?” Yuka deliberately tilted their head. “I must say I had placed the solidest of hope in you.”

Ash shook his head, snarling at Yuka, forcing the ground to spike up around them.

Yuka took the yelling without complaint, continuing, “Come on, all  _ I _ ever want in life is to have fun, be a pokemon master-” Yuka froze when Ash hugged himself, eyes wide. “Is that… not the goal?”

Ash bit his lip, placing everyone down before ramming into a nearby tree. Dazed, he shook his head, flying off and slamming himself into another tree.

“Wait, you didn’t…” Yuka wrung their hands. “Seriously, shouldn’t you have-”

“ **Shut up** .” 

Ash dug his nails into his arms, letting his aura ooze out of the scratches. 

Pikachu yelled at Ash, falling silent again when Ash met his eyes.

Burnet and Kukui exchanged wide-eyed gazes.

“Oh, so you got that back! What are you going to do-?”

“I said  **shut up!** ” Ash sent Yuka skidding backward with a blue and white stinger before jolting, touching his throat.

The world seemed to ripple around them.

Burnet and Kukui both tried to reach out to Yuka, who only continued grinning at Ash. “Wow, I thought I was bad at consequences-”

“I’ll cut off your skin and wear it as a coat—you are the  _ worst  _ person!” 

Ash flinched.

“How are you going to do that? Don’t you have to take into account algor mortis? Rigor mortis? What about putrefaction and decomposition?” Yuka asked. “Are you going to hang me up in a fridge? Use embalming fluids?”

Ash sighed.

Muffled “Eine kleine Nachtmusik” played in the background.

Ears wilting, Pikachu softly cooed.

Yuka couldn’t help but give a flat laugh. “And how are you gonna take over the world if you can’t-”

“That’s not-!” Ash snarled, the eyes on the ends of his stingers shifting back and forth. “You think I’m really like  _ that _ , huh.” He absentmindedly bit his nails before running a hand through his hair. “You really think I  _ want _ this to be reality, huh.”

_ A torn and sliced up blue dress. Stiff children’s legs. Shattered mirrors. _

**_Tes yeux pleurent des cendres sur ta peau si tendre. CHOSEN ONE. There seems to be problems with your morals. You gotta understand!_ **

Like Nihilego tentacles, Ash’s hair matted into oily slivers.

Dragging his hand down his face, Ash gave a heavy sigh. “My… everything, has been taken away. Do you even have a  _ clue _ of it???” Yuka raised an eyebrow. “So fine. I’ll copy you. ‘Only because you prompted me to.’”

“I didn’t say that-!”

Ash cracked his knuckles, lifting his hands and freezing everyone in place. 

Pikachu growled, staring at Ash when none of his yells were audible.

The edges of his tentacles flaked. 

“I’ll do anything to have my peace.” 

_ Burning hope. Screaming ashes. A mad world. _

He severed a few spikes surrounding Tapu Koko, sighing when Tapu Koko winced at the bright sunlight.

His four tentacle jaws opened, each charging up a blue ball of aura at Tapu Koko.

Yuka slid in front of the trapped legendary, holding their arms out. “This is between us.”

Ash combined the four spheres, and a pure black beam shot towards Yuka. 

Burnet and Kukui both tried and failed to look away.

Yuka, without flinching, watched the beam swerve up into the sky, dyeing the sky black.

Tapu Koko feebly glanced up, trembling.

“Conceited.” Purple static flickered on every screen in the world followed by multicolored orbs. “Tapu Koko,” Ash yelled. The legendary stared up at Ash, cooing. “It’s about time, huh?” 

“What are you talking about?” Yuka asked. “What did you do?”

“Oh yeah-” Ash leaned down as if talking to a kid- “you don’t know. Keep asking questions, Yuka. Keep blaming me. I’m the enemy.” Yuka fell silent. Ash twirled a tentacle, easily flipping over Yuka and meeting Tapu Koko’s eyes.

_ Every failure. Every evil. Every prophecy. Every legend. Every near-death experience. Every death. Every legendary encounter. Every feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. Every ‘why me?’ Every ‘if I feel like I’m never going to be enough, I’ll never be enough.’ Every burning facade withering into ashes and grinding your nerves like a familiar lightning strike. _

**_Will you call me impulsive? Impatient? Arrogant? Tsk, I hope you realize what you lot have put me through. Curse you all. I know you’re not naive, but you ignored it all!_ **

**_Bent and broken. I’m finally fighting back. But do you know what you’re fighting for? It’s amazing how you could kill me more and more._ **

**_You legendaries all knew what I went through, didn’t you, you chosen class of ultimate trashbags?!_ **

“And how many people now know?  _ You’ll  _ never know.” Ash mock bowed, grinning as Burnet and Kukui jaw dropped at him. Yuka simply furrowed their eyebrows. “You want me to continue staying silent, like some  _ innocent _ victim. Well, too bad.” Shards of ice formed where Ash landed, being drained of warmth. “Either this all ends, or I e-” Ash paused. “Or I destroy the world.”

Pikachu’s ears wilted.

With a flick of his hand, Tapu Koko was out cold.

Ash laughed, rolling his eyes.

“Oh Mew, you can’t be serious!” Yuka hissed. “What is wrong with you?”

Ash floated sideways as if hanging in a hammock while pink goo and black feathers pooled around them. A water surface in total harmony. 

“Good question. What do you think?”

“You’re evil!”

Wincing, Pikachu tried to call out to them, gritting his teeth when he couldn’t.

“And you’re the good one, yes,” Ash said, his tentacle jaws snapping at the air. “Reincarnate as an Absol, why don’t you? Give your life to someone who deserves it.”

Beads of goo bubbled up around Ash.

Colors drooled out of his hands.

_ A hall of tragedies. A hopeless guest. The greediest guest. Who is that? _

“How does that prove you’re not evil?”

Ash carried on like he didn’t hear Yuka. “You, whose heart is fabricated-”

Yuka burst, “You  _ literally _ don’t have a heart!”

Running a finger across his arm, Ash let the aura spurt out like a fountain for a few seconds. “At least that gives me an  _ excuse _ .” 

With a finger snap, a blue wave rippled outwards across the world. 

Burnet and Kukui winced.

**_Hello everyone. Let’s see if your precious legendaries come to prevent_ ** **me** **_from destroying the world for_ ** **once** **_. Maybe if you all stay silent, they’ll actually do their jobs for once. If not, it’s up to me how the world is shaped. Hm, how about a force update of the universe? Good luck~_ **

“...I don’t get it. Why? The world is a wonderful place!” Yuka said.

“You’re just gonna keep asking me questions, huh,” Ash said with a slight whirl, yawning. “The earth is a wonderful place. The world isn’t.”

“Wh-”

“Doesn’t that make me a more horrible person?” Ash’s eyes glowed in amusement. “Putting you all out of your miseries because what happened to me matters and I don’t want you all to experience it? Aren’t I just the kindest person? Come on, we can all rest together!” He paused, hugging himself. “But no one cares. So why should I?”

Yuka stared at Ash, raising an eyebrow. “But you do.”

“Nothing I’ve done is acknowledged. This at least gets me attention.” Burnet and Kukui glanced off. Ash placed his hands behind his head. “There’s no hope for this world anyways.”

_ If you want it done right… you should just do it yourself. _

“You’re not being logical! I know you’ve defended the world-”

Ash deadpanned at Yuka, his robe of itchy cotton blowing in the wind. “I still believe the world is worth it. So what’s my goal?”

“You just want the legendaries to visit you!”

“That’s sweet. They don’t care that much.” Ash glared at the still unconscious Tapu Koko before glancing at his nails. “Besides, surely you know I’m more  _ selfish  _ than that by now, right?”

_ No worry shall reign in this world. A toy’s head springed off, sending a kaleidoscope of bobbleheads around them. _

“So can you  _ stop _ all this? There’s so much to be grateful of-”

Yuka froze when an aura sphere whizzed past their ear, causing an explosion. “Oh no, that poor tree!”

Ash rolled his eyes. “Whoops. I’m such a bad person!” He turned to Burnet and Kukui, who were still frozen in terror. “Hear that? Don’t you know? I’m truly evil and everybody ‘round me’s gonna drop dead like that.” He snapped his fingers.

_ Huddled in fetal position. Silent tears. Drowning in glowing white beautiflys. _

Hot burning goo flared up around the bell of the Nihilego. “I’m a disgusting, selfish failure of a person. I’m glad this world is suited to me.”

Both professors gulped, eyes worried.

“Is that supposed to be guilt-tripping?” Yuka said, narrowing their eyes. “This world-”

“A world like this is inhospitable.”

“Hey! This is the precious world that raised me.” Yuka’s eyes widened in realization. “Raised us! Why are you like this? Why do you  _ like  _ this?”

“Oh, that world did  _ so  _ well~ You’d say that things have improved, right~?” Ash brought up a hand. “Timing everyone’s schedules to avoid them.” He lifted his other. “Avoiding all food and drinks so we won’t go to the bathroom.” His tentacle jaws shrunk back into paws as he raised one. “Wanting our parents’ attention yet feeling the burning urge to yell at them yet being  _ grateful _ they wanted us at all.” He raised another. “Feeling as if none of our efforts are worth it and therefore, we’re the problem and we don’t deserve kindness or happiness so therefore,  _ they _ were right.” Another. “Having a goal solely to please others, developing no hobbies because why would they care?” Another. “The fact that the world didn’t ‘raise’ us.  _ I _ was the one being so overwhelmed of-”

“No! I’m going to prove you wrong! I’ll never give up!” Yuka declared. “Even if all we've got is us!”

“Too late.” Ash shrugged, pursing his lips. “But hey, we’re still  _ naive _ . So I’m not going to ruin that for you.” He tilted his head, eyes half-lidded. “The world will.”

Glancing around, Yuka blinked. “The same world you put in stasis? I don’t understand.”

“...I want peace. I thought being in control would help, but I’m still not in control of my thoughts.” Ash grinned. “Maybe if I tire myself out, I’ll never deal with this again. Never be annoyed by my own breathing because it means making  _ sound _ . Never breathing the same air as everyone  _ better  _ than us.” The spines lining Ash’s back retracted. “But I won’t lie. You’re going to make many good memories, Yuka.” 

Like a ripped sail floating on the ocean, the world around them wavered.

Ash plopped Pikachu next to Yuka before freeing him. 

Burnet and Kukui creased their eyebrows.

Pikachu stayed silent, staring up at Ash with worried eyes as a flash appeared above Yuka’s wrist.

“What’s this?”

“Z-ring. Pikachu knows the pose.” Ash gestured up at the sky, where the clouds sparked, before at Pikachu. “You two can defeat me with ease. Come on, just like with Lusamine, Pikachu! Don’t I deserve this?”

_ The moment to live and the moment to die. Doesn’t it feel like our time is running out? Darkness death and fear~ Tearing you up inside~ Left behind~ _

Pikachu took Ash’s cap in his paws, hugging it close.

Silence.

Taking a sharp breath, Yuka shook their head. “No.”

“Should have known.” Ash sighed. “All I can do is dream, for I am so, so tired. Before I abandon the words that form noise in my head, would you be so kind as to join me in dream-seeing?” He held out a hand. “Promise me you’ll let me go after this.”

**_Leave me be. Don’t leave me. Stay with me. Stay here with me. Please please please. I don’t want to be incomplete. I can’t be incomplete. It’s not right. You can’t be gone away. Save me cause I'm falling off the edge forever-haven’t I waited long enough?_ **

Ash’s breath hitched.

Tail twitching, Pikachu cooed.

“...Come on, take a look into my eyes one last time-”

“I said  _ no _ .” Yuka stormed up to Ash, meeting his eyes. “I  _ know  _ you better than that.”

“You-”

“Do I still have all the self-preservation?”

“Neither of us have self-preservation. That’s why we’re suited for this job! Disregarding-”

_ Scooching down the stairs on all fours.  _ **_We’re going to get caught._ ** _ Double layered socks. Climbing on furniture.  _ **_Don’t make any sound._ ** _ Breathing through the mouth. Breaking the refrigerator seal and turning off the lights. Replacing the amount drunk with water.  _ **_Can’t let him find out._ ** _ A storage of coins. Dipping a granola bar in water and eating out the window.  _ **_We’re going to make it._ **

Eyes wide, Pikachu winced.

_ Blue roses bloomed around them. _

“You don’t get to leave. That’s the simple truth,” Yuka declared. “You don’t  _ get  _ to give up. Never stop ‘til we’re at the top, right? Fight until we win? Never letting anything or anyone break us, even ourselves?”

Silence.

Ash shook his head, reaching a hand out before dropping it.

Pikachu padded closer, holding the cap out to Ash.

Ash dropped to the ground, the Nihilego shell around him bloomed and fizzed away. 

_ Watch the shell come unraveled. A spool of thread bouncing across tightrope. _

Burnet and Kukui were set back on the ground. Tapu Koko jolted awake.

Taking a sharp breath, Ash reached a hand out to Pikachu.

The sound of an ocarina healed the world.

Every tree, every injury, every emotion, fixed. It was as if Ash fused with a Nihilego never physically existed.

As if it was all a fantasy world.

A dream.

Red dots. Yellow bruises. Brown patches. 

Ash dropped his hand, shaking his head and hugging himself.

“I hate you.”

“I know.” 

Pikachu stared as Yuka stepped in front of Ash.

Yuka reached out a hand, cradling the two of them in darkness.

_ Old friends. _

Inside their little world, they tried to understand each others’ messes, sorting it out in conversations.

“...I was the  _ enemy _ !” Ash yelled, forcing light to overtake the new dimension.

They both winced. 

“Why do you do this to yourself.” 

“Seeing your doppelganger is bad luck and a death omen~”

“Seeing you is great because I get to see you.”

Ash grumbled, letting the lights dim until they were equal in intensity. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go… Do you think Arceus planned this?”

“Arceus?”

“Oh come on, we’re  _ back _ , don’t tell me you don’t remember.”

Yuka stared at Ash. “I am your… I come from your perception.” Ash facepalmed. “Oh!  _ Arceus _ .” Yuka mused, “I thought I was supposed to be the cynic one?” They stared into the abyss.

Ash scowled.

The light looped around dots of darkness, making them look like blackberries sparkling after a rain shower.

“...Can you walk?” Ash stayed silent. Yuka sat next to Ash, staring out into the sky, where pixels of black and white mingled. “The new parents really do love you,” Yuka said, fidgeting with their hair.

“ _ Wow _ , straight to the point, huh?” Ash hugged his knees, biting the edge of his shirt collar. “I know that. But you know us, always skeptical of accepting help.”

Yuka sighed. “And I see we’re even worse at dealing with perfection. Perfection takes torment and time, you know that.”

“...You should have taken over, I’m a mess.”

“Self-aware.” Ash shot Yuka a glare. Yuka only stared back at him, unblinking. “That would not be ideal.”

Ash murmured, “Hey, that’s my line.”

“You’re both what I expected, and  _ not _ what I expected. Then again, our problems are so mixed, it’s no wonder.”

Ash hung his head, lip trembling. “I even failed you, huh?”

“It’s not over ‘til it’s over.”

“It’s already-” 

Yuka shook their head. 

“...And if anything I’m the one failing you. I have so much to do, but I just can’t seem to do any of them. Ironic, since my mind’s oobleck.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“‘You’re wasting time. You’re a waste of time. You’re running out of time.’ That hasn’t changed for you, right?” Yuka traced the darkness like using a ballpoint pen on a letter. “Ash?”

“...Why did all of this happen?”

“Do you want an answer?”

“No.” Ash sighed. “The world is already a mess. I just… don’t want to keep doing this. I can’t. But of course, I have to.” He rubbed his throat. “I wanted a break, but it looks like I just… broke.”

“I’m broken already.”

“ _ Wow _ , what a nice shift. Very open, Yuka.” Yuka blinked, flushing in embarrassment. “Still, that doesn’t make you not worthy of being loved.”

_ It's hard to see a loved one ruined after all. _

“...Why can’t you say that to yourself?”

“You are me.”

“You know what I meant.” Yuka gestured towards the sky. “You’ve always seen the best in people. Why not ourselves? And don’t give me that ‘I’m a bad person’. Even after all this, you still didn’t kill anyone.”

“I could have. If I had the motivation.”

“No, you wouldn’t have. You’re not that sort of person.”

“I don’t know what sort of person I am, how do you?”

Yuka rolled their eyes. “Because that’s my job. Making sure you don’t hurt anyone because of your emotions. It’s why we can’t be separate. You know that.”

“I suffered so much, why shouldn’t they?” Ash hissed, cringing.

“You said it yourself, because you don’t want anyone to suffer like you did,” Yuka murmured, crossing and hugging their leg.

Ash shrugged. “But I still thought about just… letting someone else be the chosen one. Selfish, huh? Ugh, what is up with this world?”

“You’re actually more mad at yourself than-”

“At least you’re doing your job.” Yuka sighed. “What? It was a compliment.”

“I know.”

“...Are you mad at me for yelling at you? I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m used to it.”

“I know…” Ash took a sharp breath. 

Yuka shrugged. “Besides, you’re allowed to be angry at the world. That’s a fact.”

“Was still a jerk,” Ash murmured. “I  _ better  _ remember all of this so I could apologize.”

“Only when you could handle remembering it,” Yuka said. “We’ve both got too much on our plates already, and I’m not going to hold your hand. I can’t.”

Ash tsked, murmuring about getting dementia at seventeen. “...If I get back, would they hate me? Tapu Koko is gonna… I don’t even know.”

“Hopefully respect what you’ve gone through to leave you alone.” Yuka fidgeted with their hair. “If  _ I _ get back…”

“Not everyone is going to hate your existence, Yuka.”

“ _ You’re _ loved.” Yuka stared as Ash sniffled. “You’re… Why do you want my permission to  _ cry _ ? This is your department.”

“Still don’t want to be an attention seeker-”

“You’re support seeking. Everyone deserves support.”

“You do too!” Ash’s eyes glowed. “Physical touch, comfort, validation, you don’t get to feel bad for wanting them because of what we went through!”

“...Can’t get anything past you, huh.”

“And don’t you  _ dare _ compare our experiences or dismiss them. They’re just as yours as they’re mine.”

The darkness nibbled at the light, spreading like rich soil after a storm.

“Can I still keep the pokemon master goal?”

Ash stifled a chuckle. “After we decide what to do with it, sure.” He propped his head up on his knees.

Yuka watched the chocolate rich darkness, feeling its velvet texture before letting it crackle like an old black and white movie as Ash brought his light over.

“I wonder if there’s a third ‘us.’ If they ever existed.”

Rubbing the bridge of their nose, Yuka droned, “You’re asking a literal child.”

“Oh. Yeah...” Ash glanced around, murmuring, “We’re not gonna please everyone. But you’ll still be here. Even if you feel alone, you’re gonna make it here. The road might be bumpy, but you’re gonna make it.”

“Truth?”

“We’re going to  _ make  _ it so. It might sound sort of trite, but I want you to live my share.” Ash pointed to his face. “Speak for me. Smile for me. Between guilt and fear, we choose happiness. They were born to die, after all. Just a crutch and enemy that tries to hold you back.”

Yuka blankly stared at Ash before smiling. “That’s both not logical and…  _ my  _ line. Weird… Alright. No hurting, though.”

“Yes you can. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive yourself for making mistakes. Forgive yourself for the losses. Remember that you're wonderful exactly because you're flawed. And that you  _ can _ move forward, but that you’re human nonetheless. You’re gonna fall apart, especially when recovering, but you  _ will  _ move forward. And Pikachu? You’re gonna be best friends. You’ll  _ know _ each other-”

“Ok ok, I got it! No need to spoiler my entire life.”

Ash grinned back at Yuka. “You’re gonna be great.”

“What did I just say?”

Rolling his eyes, Ash mocked, “Secrets will forever sleep in secrecy, huh?”

“The truth was still all in darkness,” Yuka mocked before scooching over and murmuring, “Take care of yourself.”

_ Even if I leave, you’re always here with me. Even when my world falls inward, you would still linger. Even after everything has broken, you will still be right here. _

Ash rested his head on Yuka’s shoulder. “You too.”

It was warm, like the coal burning at a grill, like the charcoal sketch under the sun, like a black tulip petal blanket.

Found. Freedom. Forgave. Forgot.

**_No matter how broken we are. No matter how lost we are. We will hold our heads high and march on. Don’t quit now. It’s alright. Let’s give this another try._ **

The light reflected, paving the path for the darkness to dim it into stars. 

Ash jolted backward, staring up at Burnet and Kukui with wide dark eyes. “...What did I miss?”

Silence.

Pikachu cheered, tackling Ash and causing him to chuckle. “Hey buddy!”

“You… absorbed a Nihilego?” Kukui said, smiling when Pikachu nuzzled Ash’s chest, handing Ash his cap.

“Oh. Is everyone alright? I don’t remember anything.” Ash cradled Pikachu, putting his cap back on and forcing himself to get up. 

“Yeah,  _ we’re  _ all fine,” Burnet said. “You?”

“I’ll deal with all of this later-” He staggered a bit, leaning against Kukui.

Tilting his head, Pikachu hopped onto the ground.

Ash shook his head, took a raspy breath, and pretended it was fine.

Burnet placed a hand on Ash’s forehead, furrowing her eyebrows. “You seem… fine??? Genuinely?”

Ash yawned, standing up straight. “Don’t worry. I don’t need to change my sleeping schedule again I promise I-” He blinked. “Sorry, rambling. Um… yeah, sorry for worrying you all.”

The professors exchanged a glance.

Silence.

Pikachu patted Ash’s leg as Ash absentmindedly bit his fingernails. 

Ash’s throat was clogged with tears.

Cooing, Pikachu hugged Ash’s leg.

“It’s fine,” Ash said, letting out a weak cough. 

“We’re taking you to a hospital,” Burnet started. “Who knows what lingering toxins-”

“Don’t worry, I’m used to this.” Both professors stiffened, but Pikachu only fell silent. Ash shivered, gulping hard and clearing his throat. He glanced around. “Seriously, what did I do? Do I need to help clean up or something?”

Burnet and Kukui silently shook their heads.

Pikachu chirped when Ash scooped him up and placed him on his shoulder. 

“Hm? Tapu Koko just flew off? Well, legendaries do their own thing,” Ash said with a roll of his eyes, sighing as a wave of exhaustion and shame crushed him. “If they don’t want to change, we’re not able to convince them otherwise.” He patted Pikachu, glancing around.

“How are you feeling?” Kukui murmured.

Ash startled, clenching his fists before hugging himself. He took a deep breath, rubbing at his neck. “Um… I don’t know?” Pikachu’s ears wilted.

“You can feel-”

“I genuinely don’t know what I feel.” Ash winced as Kukui reached out for his shoulder, apologizing on instinct. Kukui stepped back, genuinely apologizing. Ash stared at him with wide eyes. 

Pikachu crawled back into Ash’s arms, licking Ash’s hand.

Ash furrowed his eyebrows. While tickling Pikachu’s ears, Ash asked, “Seriously,  _ what  _ happened? I don’t really feel anything.”

“You can’t be  _ used to _ -” Burnet cut herself off. “You are, aren’t you.”

Pikachu silently pressed his cheeks against Ash’s chest to hear his heartbeat.

“...Used to this? I thought I told you guys I’m always tired without at least ten hours of sleep? It’s fine.” Ash waved a hand, freezing when everyone else did. “What did I  _ do _ ???” he asked with wide eyes.

“You’re the strongest person we know,” Burnet murmured, with Kukui nodding.

They watched Ash wince.

_ A young boy, shattered and pieced back together by his own hands and the golden acceptance of his friends and family. Eternal. _

“Oh, was I a mess?” Ash bowed, missing how Burnet and Kukui both winced. “Then thank you for helping me.” Pikachu glanced off, shaking his head.

“No, we…” Kukui bit his lip. “We didn’t do anything?”

“Oh… I just rose up on my own? Was it just a bunch of sappy cheese that sorted itself out?” Ash laughed. “Well, I’m glad none of you got seriously injured because of me then!”

Burnet declared, “We want to help. It’s clear you’re still dealing with this, and we  _ want  _ to help.”

Pikachu nodded up at Ash.

“...I don’t want your pity,” Ash tsked, slightly bouncing on his feet as if rocking Pikachu. “When we’re battling, don’t you  _ dare _ go easy on me.”

“I won’t,” Kukui said. “We  _ care  _ for you, and we do want to help!”

Ash glanced around, fidgeting with the edge of his collar. “Look, I don’t remember how much I told you guys, if anything at all. So uh, I’ll explain when I’m ready. Just, not yet.” He chewed his inner cheek, pursing his lips. “I hope you guys understand. Especially you, Pikachu.” 

Pikachu immediately squeaked and waved a paw, almost  _ insulted _ Ash would expect otherwise.

Burnet and Kukui exchanged a glance, nodding. “We’ll always be here to support you.”

“...Ok cool! Are you guys hungry for malasadas? I’ll pay!” Ash sniffed the air, hugging Pikachu closer. “And that place seems good! We could get pancakes! How about an Oran Berry pancake for you, Pikachu?”

After a pause, Pikachu grinned, chirping up at Ash with a nod. 

“Ew, fine, just a squirt of ketchup, nothing more!” Ash said, stifling a snort.

Pikachu stuck his tongue out at Ash.

“Sure, love ya too, buddy.”

Burnet and Kukui smiled at each other.

Even though no one else knew, Ash strangely felt a tiny bit prouder.

Was it worth it in the end?

_ I’ll meet you in the hereafter, Ash. _

Yes. Yes, it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Partial inspiration goes to Clinohumite! 
> 
> Me preparing for school: I’m going to write a really long oneshot and cram as many references in it as I possibly can and will probably make it the most confusing and intricate fic I’ve ever written. So… brownie points to anyone who can spot any! Especially in Ash’s Nihilego design! 
> 
> Random trivia: Turritopsis dohrnii is biologically immortal through reverting to a younger stage of life!


End file.
